A Crazy, Mad Wonderful Life
by EmmaLee65
Summary: A series of 1,000 word pieces about Alice and Hatter's life together. Rated M because of upcoming lemons.
1. When a Dog Howls

**So, I seem to be writing again. I know, I know, you all hate me for abandoning my last attempts at a story. I am very sorry. I had a very hard time getting everything together and after my laptop crashed, I was very devastated and didn't want to write anymore. But I'm starting to understand that writing will be a part of my life for as long as I'm breathing, even if I'm trying to run from it. **

**This is a prompt series based on one sentence prompts. They are each exactly one thousand words long, not including the title ^^ They will follow the lives of Alice and Hatter (of course, as though I'd write about anything else) and be in no particular order. And yes, there WILL be M rated content. I am an erotica writer. I can't help it. I have tried in the past few months to write stories that do not include erotica, and I end up having to remove it as deleted scenes. So be warned... LOTS AND LOTS OF LEMONS IN THE NEAR FUTURE!**

**I'm not sure how quickly I'll update (as usual). I'm starting college in two days and will be getting into the swing of things. I'll try not to upload less than three chapters at a time. And... I'll also try to make shorter author's notes _ Seriously guys, if I'm boring you, don't read this. It's not vital to the story. **

**Even though my love for Alice in Wonderland remains forever mine, the story itself is not. All rights go to Tim Burton and Disney. :D No suing me, pwease? I'm just a poor college student ;~; I have no monies.  
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><p><strong>Prompt 1: <strong>

**When a dog howls through the night, somebody dies. **

I was awake from the very moment that the door creaked open.

"Hatter?"

I sat up quickly. "Alice? Is everything alright? Are you sick?"

She smiled softly. "No Hatter. I'm fine. I just swore that I heard something..."

I pulled the covers back and stood before crossing the distance between us in six large steps. "What kind of something?" I inquired.

Her eyebrows were knit together as she walked over to my balcony and pulled the curtains back. Softly, I followed her. She leaned far over the rail to look into the courtyard below, and I found myself placing a hand on her left hip to steady her. I was well aware the second that I did so that she could very well consider the movement inappropriate, rather than protective, but I didn't care. It wouldn't do at all if she were to fall over the edge and hurt herself. Hurt herself... nay, _kill _herself. A fall like that wouldn't hurt at all, as one would be dead far before it was even over...

My heart hurt at the thought of something bad happening to Alice. I placed my other hand on the right hip just in case.

"It sounded like a dog... but Bayard and Bielle are asleep, aren't they?"

"I suppose so. They left dinner early to put the puppies to bed... but perhaps they could have stayed awake... I mean, they are married, and I'm sure that married beings have much to converse, or not converse, for I'm sure that at some point, conversing stops in the marriage bed-"

"Hatter."

"Yes. I'm fine. Thank you."

And he meant it. There was no telling where exactly I was going on that line of thought. Thoughts of... Alice... and marriage beds... and the end of conversation...

I swallowed hard and she leaned back against me. "I swore I heard it, Hatter. I swore I heard a dog howling, right outside my window!"

"I'm sure you did," I assured her, rubbing her shoulders. "But it couldn't have been Bayard or Bielle, or even one of the puppies. They all have better manners than that... they know better than to wake the entire castle with nonsensical howling."

"I..." She didn't seem quite sure. "I'm sure you're probably right."

"Of course I am," I beamed. "Now come. You're all shaken up... you need some tea."

She covered her mouth as a small happy laugh escaped her lips and slipped through her fingers. "Can't you ever think of anything but tea, Hatter?"

Oh, how I wanted to tell her... how rarely I thought of tea in comparison to her. But it was often a great distraction when I started thinking about Alice in her blue silk nightrobe... Alice in her chemise... Alice in my bedroom... Alice on the floor...

"Tea is very impor-tant," I croaked. It would have sound perfectly normal, had my voice not cracked on the last syllable. No, that wasn't right... I couldn't lose my dignity in front of Alice. _The_ Alice. _Champion _ Alice... Alice of the Aboveland...

"T...e...a..." I said very slowly. "Tea... is... very... i...m...p...o...r...t...a...n...t..."

She shook her head and placed a hand on either side of my face. "Stay with me, Hatter," she instructed.

"Of course," I replied. "I'm fine."

"Perhaps we should skip tea and investigate," she hesitated. "... that is, if you're not too tired and woulnd't mind."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is Champion Alice too afraid to investigate on her own?"

"I am not!" she squeaked. "How dare you, sir? I am perfectly capable of investigating on my own... I just don't want to. It's far easier to investigate with a friend. You can cover more ground that way, you know."

"It has not a thing to do with the fact that it's rather dark down there?" I teased.

She blushed. "I'm not afraid of the dark. I've been in the dark before. It was rather dark in your teapot, if you'll remember correctly."

Oh, I remembered correctly. The knave coming to investigate... coming to take Alice... stuffing Alice in the teapot... singing, and then peeking into the pot only to see a glimpse more of Alice than she would have prefered...

"I remember," I frowned.

She studied my face carefully as though looking for a clue. "You're blushing, Hatter," she grinned. "Why on earth would the thought of me being in a teapot make you blush?"

"N'er yeh mind, lass," I shook my head quickly. "I mean... I do remember you furiously beating your tiny fists against the sides of that teapot, demanding to be let out. So as I see it, you either didn't trust me, or were very much afraid of the dark."

She huffed and looked away sharply. "So are we going to investigate the noise, or not, sir?" she asked. I decided not to point out her quick change of the subject. "Because if you're too chicken, I'll just head on back to bed, and we can meet up in the morning for tea…"

"No," I replied sharply. "I would gladly follow you into battle, my dear. Just lead the way."

We were deathly silent as we tiptoed down the many staircases until we found ourselves in the courtyard. Alice wandered in front of me for a brief while, before a startling sound echoed across the yard, causing her to shriek and fling herself into my arms.

"I've got yeh, lass," I promised, looking around. She peeked from around my arms. "I swear…" she muttered. "That was the sound. A dog howling."

"Let's get you back to bed," I said, petting her hair. "It's not safe for you here."

For once, she didn't protest.

It was a month later that a guard assigned to watch the border of the Outlands appeared to report devastating news to the court of the White Queen. The mangled body of Iracebeth of Crims had been discovered hidden among the trees, and the Knave of Hearts, Ilosovic Stayne was nowhere to be found.

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><p><strong>Reviews of made of sugar... and EMMA LOVES SUGAR! <strong>


	2. There is Nothing as Tempting

**Prompt 2**

**There is nothing as tempting as a locked door.**

His wardrobe door was locked.

She shouldn't have been surprised really. She was enticed, fascinated, _obsessed _even with the secrets that he kept within those wooden walls, so of course it had to be locked. It wouldn't have been so appealing if it hadn't been.

And so day after day, while he was snipping and sewing away in his workshop, she would sneak away from the monotony of reconstruction plans beside the White Queen, slip quickly up the staircase, and make her way into his room (which of course, wasn't locked!). And there she would spend hours and hours trying to figure out a way to get into that wardrobe and find out exactly what kind of things he kept there.

Around six o' clock or so, he would put his things away and prepare to wash up for dinner, and she knew this by the many times that she'd almost been caught. She'd close the door quickly just as he rounded the corner, and try to act as though she'd just been passing by. He'd always been so happy to see her that he didn't give it a second thought, and thus, she'd always gotten away scott free. After a the first week of these close calls, she learned to be out and in her own room by five-thirty at the latest.

_This is ridiculous, Alice,_ she would scold herself. _You are wasting far too much time thinking about a silly wardrobe… if the Hatter knew what you were up to, he would be absolutely furious! Snooping about his room like a silly child… my goodness._

But she could never convince herself to stop. And so, after three tortuous weeks of staring so longingly at that grand structure, she finally decided that she had to do something about it. She had to find the key. She wasted an entire night of sleep just lying in her bed trying to come up with a way or a plan to first, find the location of the key, and then steal it away without the Hatter knowing.

It was during the course of this night that she decided to employ the stealthy skills of a certain evaporating cat.

"What exactly is so important about finding out what's in that wardrobe?" Chessur asked, his tail leaving a trail of smoke as he wrapped himself over her neck.

"I don't know what's in it," she said quickly. "Hatter and I are friends, and I assumed that friends didn't keep secrets... but he's hiding something interesting in there, I just know it."

The cat disappeared suddenly and then reappeared on the table in front of her. "It seems that you must be more than friends, if you're so interested in snooping about his personal life."

She blushed. "That's not it at all. I didn't mean to get so involved... I just want to know what's in the stupid wardrobe!"

Once again, the cat vanished from the table, and then reappeared on the bed behind her. "There's no need to insult the wardrobe, love," he purred. "I'd be more than glad to help you get the key from the Hatter."

And so, the key was delivered to her in the middle of the night. The next morning, she nearly flew through all of the complaint letters that the queen had placed on her desk for her to respond to, and by mid-afternoon, she found herself nearly running up the staircase with the key jingling roughly in her right cloak pocket.

She threw open the door to the Hatter's room, her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands shook furiously as she pulled the key out and fit it in the lock. "Please, please," she whispered as she twisted it. With a click, the door to the wardrobe came unlatched, and she swung it open with a cry of elation. Forget being quiet, she had finally accomplished her goal, as impossible as it had seemed!

And it was empty. Well, not entirely, but as rummaged through the contents, she found nothing but his clothing. With a defeated sigh, she pulled one of his coats from the wrack and fell into a heap on the floor. "I should have known," she mourned, burying her nose in the cloth. It smelled wonderful, like tea and musk, and something altogether Hatter. Like a hug… like being held by him.

"Should have known what?" a voice asked from behind her.

With a gasp, she jumped up and spun around, clutching his jacket for dear life. Hatter grinned and took a step forward. "What? That I knew what you were up to and took out the interesting things before you came in?"

"I… I… You shouldn't have… oh, this is just humiliating!"

And so she burst into tears.

"Alice," he soothed, grabbing her and holding her close. "Come now… don't cry. There's no reason to be humiliated. I knew what you were up to the whole time, and thought it was absolutely adorable."

She sniffled. "You did?"

"Of course," he smiled . "That's why I set everything up like I did. Did you think to check the coat pocket?"

"Oh… no…" she said. She reached into the pocket of the jacket in her hands and immediately found something square and velvet.

Curiously, she pulled it out. A ring box.

"Hatter…" she whispered cautiously.

"Go ahead… open it," he grinned into her hair.

With a snap, the lid was lifted, and she gasped at the sight of a single silver band with a beautiful blue sapphire set directly in the middle.

"Will you marry me, Alice?"

"Hatter…"

"You don't have to answer now… I would never pressure you."

That was enough in itself. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she buried her face in his chest. "Yes… yes!"

He lifted her up so that her face was level with his. "You don't mind that I didn't properly court you?"

"How could I?" she squealed. "This is the best surprise… truly!"

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><p><strong>What 'tis this? Remember, I'm hungry, and reviews are tasteh! :D <strong>


	3. Idle Hands

**Prompt 3**

**Idle hands are the devil's playthings**

"Hush, Alice," he whispered against her throat as she moaned loudly. "There are people auot and about."

"I don't care!" she squealed. "Please... just a bit more..."

He grinned widely and entwined his fingers with hers in their place above her head. "Yer gonna get us caught, lass," he said before sucking rather harshly on a patch of porcelain white skin right above her left breast. "Hatter!" she cried as he rubbed the flesh between his teeth, leaving a red mark that couldn't be blamed on anything else.

He crawled up her slowly and pressed his lips against hers. "As mooch as Ah love hearin yeh scream, yer gonna have teh hush up if yeh want teh continue," he scolded.

She hissed and pulled him by the cravat into another heated kiss. Gently, she pulled his tongue into her mouth and then proceeded to suck on it, pulling a loud groan from his throat. "Am I testing you, Hatter?" she whispered as their lips parted.

"Aye," he growled. "Yer playin wit fire, lass."

His hands were steady as they moved down to her aching breasts. "Please... touch them..." she moaned. Propriety be damned; she'd had about enough.

"Na today, Alice," he said, almost mournfully as his hands continued their course around her sides and down to her hips. "I wouldnae beh able to stop mehself. If yeh were teh change yer mind... before we're married..."

"I won't," she promised, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him on top of her with a "hough!" on his part. "I won't change my mind, Hatter. You are the man for me."

He smiled against her hair. "As much as I love to hear that, Alice, I'm afraid that I love you too much to take you now."

She looked up in shock. "You love me?" she asked.

He swallowed hard. "Lass... why would I ask you to marry me if I didn't love you?"

"Well..." she thought for a long moment. "My mother certainly didn't love my father, and she married him. And they were very happy together. And I didn't love Hamish, even though I did consider marrying him to please my family...Margaret loves Lowell now, although I'm certain that she didn't think about that when she decided to marry him..."

"Alice," he could feel the terror building in his gut. He immediately lifted up to look at her. "You... you do understand that love and marriage go hand in hand, right?"

"Well I suppose," she said. "But I didn't think that it was a requirement."

He felt his heart breaking. He couldn't handle the wrong answer to the question he was about to ask.

"Do you love me Alice?" He felt the question leaving in one breath.

She smiled brilliantly and a rush of relief washed over him. "Hatter... that's a silly thing to ask. Of course I love you. You're my best friend."

"No, Alice," he shook his head. "Do you love me as _more_ than a friend? Do you crave me?" He wasn't sure how on earth he'd gone so long without asking her how she felt. He must have been daft, to go on assuming that she loved him just because she'd accepted his proposal.

"Do you look at our upcoming marriage as a simple contract between two friends who could build a life together... or do you honestly and truly _love_ me?"

She opened her mouth but hesitated. Was he doubting her?

"Do you feel it here?" he asked, touching her forehead lightly, "or here?" his palm moved swiftly to a place just left of the center of her chest.

"Here," she answered in a squeak. "I love you right here." Her hand was tiny as it covered his own.

He was so happy to hear it that leaned down and kissed her fully on the lips, not noticing the White Queen and a few more members of her court passing by.

"Well there you are, Alice," Mirana smiled. "We were all wondering where you'd run off to."

"Your majesty!" she squealed, throwing Hatter off of her as she sat up. "I... I apologize! I was just... I was, er-"

"Enjoying a quick romp in the gardens with the royal Hatter?" Mally asked from beside the queen's long gown. "Seriously. This is completely inappropriate behavior to be taking place on palace grounds."

"Let them be, Mally," Mirana scolded. "They are in love... nothing is more pure and beautiful than love."

Alice was blushing so hard, she felt as though her head was full of steam and would surely split open at any second.

"I expect to see you back at the castle soon, yes?" the happy queen chided, going on her way past the place where Hatter was rubbing his head and scowling. "We have quite a bit of work to do, as well as wedding plans to discuss."

She turned briefly, a sparkle in her eyes. "If, of course, you plan on wedding within the month as we originally decided?"

"Of course," Alice replied.

"Very good then," Mirana waved. "It shall be an event to be remembered! A wedding in Underland... how absolutely delightful!"

As the woman disappeared, Mally stood in her place, one tiny paw on her hip. "What's all this then," she muttered, waving to the disorganized couple in the grass. Embarrassed, Alice tried to pull the bodice of her gown up to hide the obvious bite mark on her bossom.

"Don't bother," Mally rolled her eyes. "Everyone already saw it. I must say, if anyone wonders who made it, the gap in the middle should be a good indicator."

Both blushed hotly and looked away.

"Let me give you some advice… if you intend to keep your propriety before your wedding night," the mouse said. "Breaks from work are _dangerous_. Being alone is dangerous. You need to keep busy. Both of you."

Hatter gave Alice a worried look.

"Idle hands are the devil's playthings," Mally warned. "You need to remember that."

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><p><strong>Reviews keep me forever young.<strong>


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